


A lapse of judgement

by oncetherelivedaboy



Series: Soulmate Thing [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 19:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10725480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncetherelivedaboy/pseuds/oncetherelivedaboy
Summary: The affair and aftermath





	A lapse of judgement

It’s years after Laurens died, but if he really tries he can feel him, like he’s right there, he can trick himself into thinking he’s ok. He’s not, he never will be, even with Eliza, losing John was like losing a part of himself, like a wound that never healed, and it was a hell of wound. So much time has passed and it doesn’t go away. 

It’s summer, and Eliza has left to go with sister upstate, with the kids, and it’s just Alex, in the empty house. Just Alexander and his papers, his work. He knows she’s angry with him, angry that he had to work. Why didn’t she understand that he was doing what he had to, why couldn’t she understand that his name, his legacy was the thing that was most important to him, that he loved his family but how could he provide for them and prove to them that love if he couldn’t take care of them. 

The summer heat is stifling that evening, when the woman in the red dress visits. When she tells him her tale of her husband who left. After he walks her home she grabs his hand and there’s a stutter in his chest and he can see it in her face that her’s does the same, but he doesn’t want this, doesn’t need this but he can feel the bruises that her husband had left the day before. She closes the door and he takes her in his arms. It’s hot that night and he wakes up naked next to her, the night before running through his mind in stark detail. He knows only her name and address, and the day her husband comes back he can feel the blows raining down from across town, and he can feel her sorrow as she cries alone. 

It’s selfish, he knows it’s selfish when he hopes for her to come back, and she does, her cheeks flushed and the same dress she’d worn before only barely covering her bruises, as they peek out from beneath the fabric. They’re short time together is always rough and rushed, and the girl reminds him of a love he’d lost many years before. Back when things had to be done under the cover of night, had to remain quiet and secretive. She reminded him of John in so many ways, her curly hair, the way she smiled that made her eyes crinkle. Alex wondered if Eliza could feel the love that he’d misplaced with Maria. The love that was supposed to be directed at Eliza. 

Reynolds finds out and from there things spiral out of control, he pays the man, though he doesn’t think Reynolds knows the worst part of it, thinking it’s just an affair, otherwise the money would be a lot higher. Maria’s bruises get bad enough that it’s hard for Alex to concentrate during the day. He convinces her to stay at the house for a bit, to get her away from Reynolds. She does, but she rarely leaves the house, scared of the gossip, just locks herself in the upstairs bedroom. 

When Jefferson and Madison find out Alex can’t deny it, rather an adulterer than an embezzler, he doesn’t understand that the public despise those who break their wives’ hearts. He publishes an article, does the only thing he knows how to to explain to the public, he doesn’t mention that he can feel everything she does. 

He finds Eliza in the office, the fire roaring as she throws handfuls of paper into the inferno. He grabs her by the arm, trying to stop her but she yells, she cries and he can feel her heart shattering with every word. He broken heart is his and the anger in her eyes is enough to know she’s hit a point he’s never seen before. 

Angelica does not forgive him, and when she screams at him from across the desk he doesn’t say anything, tries for a moment to defend himself but she shoots hims down before he can finish. The article ruins Maria, and she disappears, Alex tries to find her but her house is empty, and Reynolds is nowhere to be found. 

Alex is left to his office, Philip won’t speak to him and the other children don’t understand what’s going on, just that they’re mother is upset and that Alex is the one to blame, so they steer clear. He almost misses the empty house, instead he can here Eliza calling to children, them playing and running through the halls the sounds of them outside, but the moment he leaves his office it all disappears. John will still run up to hug his father, young enough to not understand and old enough to make his own decisions. Alex hasn’t held Will since the publication, Eliza won’t let the baby out of her sight and when Alex approaches she gathers him into her arms and leaves the room. 

It takes months for her to talk to him, and over a year for her to invite him back to the bedroom. It had been the first real cold night, and he’d knocked on the bedroom door. She stood in the doorway, shadowing the lit room, the fire dying under the mantel. 

“I just need a blanket.” He’d said it the moment it opened, didn’t want to insinuate anything else, her mouth was tight. 

“Of course.” She opened the door the rest of the way and stepped back to allow him to come inside. He gave her her space knew she still wasn’t comfortable with him, understood perfectly why. He retrieved the blanket from the closet. She was still standing near the door when he heard her speak up. 

“You can sleep here if you’d like.” He turns to look at her, the blanket in his hands, and nods. She closes the door, and he crosses the room towards her. She doesn’t reach out to him, just goes to her own side on the bed, he imagines she must pity him, the guest room is full of drafts and sleeping in his office makes his back ache. He takes off his slippers and the two climb silently into bed. 

She blows out the candles on her nightstand leaving the only light from the dying embers. He turns away from her, tucking himself into the edge of the bed. He only turns when her hand touches his shoulder and she’s hesitant to move closer, but he can see she wants to. He moves just a bit closer and she settles comfortably into his arms. It’s been too long since he’s held her, he presses his lips to the top of her head and her arms go around his middle. Her breath is slow, as if each is carefully monitored. 

“I’m sorry.” He says, and she nods. 

“I know Alexander.” She takes a deep breath. “I knew, I just wanted you to tell me. You think I was too blind to see it, to feel it.” He’s quiet. 

“I should have told you.” 

“Yes, you should have.” He can feel the weight that’s been sitting on both of their chests’ the last year start to lift, and she doesn’t pull away when he pulls her slightly closer so that he can bury his face in her hair. Eliza hopes that with the first freeze the feelings of betrayal and guilt and misery will die out in the cold, and that in the spring new life will be there to start fresh. 


End file.
